Friday, February 22, 2013

i was going to post a picture of a kitty but ran out of internet


My lack of posts is a reflection on how huge of an impact I've been making on my community. How much time I've been spending out in the field, changing lives, curing diseases, holding babies, and exchanging life lessons with my friends and neighbors.
That's not true. My lack of posts mostly reflects my immense writers block, my pages and pages of discarded writing and my complete (to my surprise) comfort here. I used to write about the things that I didn't understand. The more I understand, the less I have to write about. The more I understand, the happier I am here. The more I understand, the more hesitant I am to leave.
Granted, leaving is many months away but it's creeping up and previous volunteers were right when they warned us that right as you start to really settle in and get comfortable, it's time to start thinking about leaving. I finally know most of my neighbors (a grand undertaking in a town like Bangangte), I have real Cameroonian friends, I trust the people around me, I feel more confident than I have ever in my life, I have viable projects that are actually promising and exciting, and I very rarely have the moments of what-the-fuck-am-I-supposed-to-do that ruled my first year at post. I'm comfortable.
Comfortable people don't blog, do they? I mean, what do they write about? Writing is angsty and loathsome and anxious and tired! So for now, until life crumbles around me and I find myself sitting in the rubble, I guess I don't have a lot to write worth reading. Or better yet, I shall find a way to make comfortable writing interesting to read. Years of grad school down the drain!
My lack of posts is a reflection of my happiness, what is there to be said about happy people?  

1 comment:

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